honesty.
To some people, Alex was a runner.
To others, she was an inspiration, a friend, an artist, a teammate, a scholar, an ideal.
To me and to Erika, she was our sister. And for that, there are no words. How can you even begin to put in to words what it means to lose someone so young? Someone who should outlive you? Someone you should take care of? There was so much to our sister. She wasn't an angel, she wasn't a saint-- and I wasn't those things to her. Alex dealt with something more difficult than I can even imagine-- and she, at so many times in her life, became someone I didn't know because of those struggles. I loved her. I think there were times when she truly did not know that. Times that were so hard on all of us. But I always did. We all loved her so much. And we couldn't save her.
None of us could.
My parents are, as hard as it is for everyone, being honest about the struggle that took Alex. About the how difficult the medical system is to fight when you're dealing with someone with anorexia-- a mental illness that manifests itself in so many physical ways-- it sucks the very life out of those who suffer. She had everything. And it took it away from her. This is truly when it comes down to getting real-- to seeing how much there is to an eating disorder-- that it is about so much more than just body image. To seeing how much more needs to be done-- needs to be discovered about what makes this happen.
But Alex's death will not be in vain.
The system will change.
If her story can help one person-- if we can make someone suffering from an eating disorder realize just how far it can go-- and that there can be no turning back, her story will have made a difference. If the medical and legal communities realize anything from her story, we've all made a difference. Did you know that for some treatment facilities, there is a minimum weight you must achieve to be accepted? If you weigh too little, they won't help you? How in the world, I ask you, does that help?
It doesn't.
But someone will help.
Someone will make a change.
I know this. And all four of us are going to fight until someone does. There will always be five of us in our hearts. All of those good Alex things that used to be so prevalent. Those will live on.
Alex's coach is organizing a run in Alex's honor this summer to support eating disorder research. Erika and I are contacting Nike-- Alex's favorite company; she even named her funny, furry little dog Nike-- and Dove to see if they will sponsor it. That they will fight alongside us to make a difference. That not one more distance runner-- that not one more young girl-- that not one more daughter, sister, artist, student, or friend will suffer from this. And if they already are, they will not suffer alone. We will make sure of this. And we will make sure they get the treatment they need-- the treatment Alex never got, the treatment she never thought she deserved.
I'm not going to be around much these coming days. One of the joys of Alex's life was being an Aunt. She and Jared were closer in age than Erika and Alex were-- and they truly were like brother and sister for so long. She doted on him, and he adored her. She adored all her nephews, even when it was hard for her to show it. I was so excited when I got pregnant. And I know that Alex would've been thrilled for me. On the day of Alex's service, I miscarried that baby. Maybe God decided Alex needed a piece of one of us with her-- and that's more than OK by me. Because I know she's taking good care and watching over us.
Thank you all for the calls, for the emails, for the flowers and cards and everything. I have the most amazing support system I ever could imagine. And I love you all. Please take these words to heart. Please always do what you can to make a difference. It starts small. It can be as simple as leaving those magazines exploiting Hollywood's next big diet secret on the shelf and instead going home and loving yourself for exactly who you are. For what your body can do. For the very fact that you are alive. Take that as a blessing each and every day-- never take it for granted, never, ever hate yourself for what you see in the mirror. If not for me, for Alex. Tell your family how much you love them-- if I could do anything differently, I would go back and tell Alex every day how much I love her. If you know anyone who needs help with these issues, please do all you can to help them get the treatment they need. They WILL fight you. Don't stop. Don't ever stop.
xoxo,
g
To others, she was an inspiration, a friend, an artist, a teammate, a scholar, an ideal.
To me and to Erika, she was our sister. And for that, there are no words. How can you even begin to put in to words what it means to lose someone so young? Someone who should outlive you? Someone you should take care of? There was so much to our sister. She wasn't an angel, she wasn't a saint-- and I wasn't those things to her. Alex dealt with something more difficult than I can even imagine-- and she, at so many times in her life, became someone I didn't know because of those struggles. I loved her. I think there were times when she truly did not know that. Times that were so hard on all of us. But I always did. We all loved her so much. And we couldn't save her.
None of us could.
My parents are, as hard as it is for everyone, being honest about the struggle that took Alex. About the how difficult the medical system is to fight when you're dealing with someone with anorexia-- a mental illness that manifests itself in so many physical ways-- it sucks the very life out of those who suffer. She had everything. And it took it away from her. This is truly when it comes down to getting real-- to seeing how much there is to an eating disorder-- that it is about so much more than just body image. To seeing how much more needs to be done-- needs to be discovered about what makes this happen.
But Alex's death will not be in vain.
The system will change.
If her story can help one person-- if we can make someone suffering from an eating disorder realize just how far it can go-- and that there can be no turning back, her story will have made a difference. If the medical and legal communities realize anything from her story, we've all made a difference. Did you know that for some treatment facilities, there is a minimum weight you must achieve to be accepted? If you weigh too little, they won't help you? How in the world, I ask you, does that help?
It doesn't.
But someone will help.
Someone will make a change.
I know this. And all four of us are going to fight until someone does. There will always be five of us in our hearts. All of those good Alex things that used to be so prevalent. Those will live on.
Alex's coach is organizing a run in Alex's honor this summer to support eating disorder research. Erika and I are contacting Nike-- Alex's favorite company; she even named her funny, furry little dog Nike-- and Dove to see if they will sponsor it. That they will fight alongside us to make a difference. That not one more distance runner-- that not one more young girl-- that not one more daughter, sister, artist, student, or friend will suffer from this. And if they already are, they will not suffer alone. We will make sure of this. And we will make sure they get the treatment they need-- the treatment Alex never got, the treatment she never thought she deserved.
I'm not going to be around much these coming days. One of the joys of Alex's life was being an Aunt. She and Jared were closer in age than Erika and Alex were-- and they truly were like brother and sister for so long. She doted on him, and he adored her. She adored all her nephews, even when it was hard for her to show it. I was so excited when I got pregnant. And I know that Alex would've been thrilled for me. On the day of Alex's service, I miscarried that baby. Maybe God decided Alex needed a piece of one of us with her-- and that's more than OK by me. Because I know she's taking good care and watching over us.
Thank you all for the calls, for the emails, for the flowers and cards and everything. I have the most amazing support system I ever could imagine. And I love you all. Please take these words to heart. Please always do what you can to make a difference. It starts small. It can be as simple as leaving those magazines exploiting Hollywood's next big diet secret on the shelf and instead going home and loving yourself for exactly who you are. For what your body can do. For the very fact that you are alive. Take that as a blessing each and every day-- never take it for granted, never, ever hate yourself for what you see in the mirror. If not for me, for Alex. Tell your family how much you love them-- if I could do anything differently, I would go back and tell Alex every day how much I love her. If you know anyone who needs help with these issues, please do all you can to help them get the treatment they need. They WILL fight you. Don't stop. Don't ever stop.
xoxo,
g
posted by gabbyfek at 1:07 PM
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